by Jarrette Wright-Booker MA, LPC-S, CAADC
For many high achieving Black men and women, the pressure to succeed is constant. You have learned to push through exhaustion, silence doubt, and stay composed even when you are unraveling inside. People might call you “driven,” “disciplined,” or “strong,” but beneath those labels there is often something deeper happening: anxiety intertwined with perfectionism and sometimes undiagnosed neurodivergence.
If you have ever felt like your mind never rests, or that you are constantly working to keep things together while quietly falling apart, you are not alone. What looks like motivation is often a mix of coping and survival.
The Quiet Link Between Anxiety, Perfectionism, and Neurodivergence
Anxiety and perfectionism often show up hand in hand for people who grew up needing to be “on” all the time. For many Black professionals, the fear of being underestimated or misunderstood fuels a constant need to prove worth through performance.
Neurodivergent individuals, such as those with ADHD or autism, can experience this even more intensely. Imagine living in a world that constantly expects you to filter your thoughts, manage sensory overload, and interpret social cues perfectly. It is no wonder that masking, or hiding your authentic self to appear “together,” becomes second nature.
Over time, masking becomes exhausting. You might notice that you are hyper aware of how you show up in every space, from work meetings to family gatherings. You replay conversations in your head, worry that you said too much, or feel guilty for needing rest. What others see as “Black excellence” might actually be you managing an anxious mind in overdrive.
When Black Excellence Becomes a Mask
For many in the Black community, excellence is not just encouraged. It is a form of protection. We are taught that being exceptional keeps us safe from being overlooked or dismissed. But the flip side is that constant excellence leaves no room for error, rest, or imperfection.
When neurodivergence is part of the picture, this expectation becomes even heavier. Many Black adults go through life undiagnosed because symptoms were dismissed as laziness, attitude, or lack of focus. A child who was “talking too much” or “not paying attention” may have been showing signs of ADHD. A teen who preferred solitude or routines might have been navigating autism traits. These early misunderstandings grow into adulthood, where people learn to cope through anxiety, perfectionism, and relentless self correction.
The truth is that many of the traits we call “hardworking,” “driven,” or “reliable” are actually adaptations. They are ways of staying safe in systems that were not built to understand your brain, your body, or your boundaries.
The Cost of Constant Performance
Living with untreated anxiety or unrecognized neurodivergence can lead to burnout, physical fatigue, and emotional numbness. You might find yourself moving between periods of hyper productivity and complete shutdown. You may start to question your worth outside of what you can produce or provide.
The constant performance takes a toll on your nervous system and your sense of identity. It can also make you feel unseen, even when you are surrounded by people who admire you. Healing starts when you give yourself permission to slow down, to be imperfect, and to get curious about what is really driving your need to perform.
Moving Toward Healing and Self Understanding
The journey to healing begins with compassion and curiosity. Ask yourself:
- What am I afraid might happen if I stop performing?
- Where did I learn that being enough means being perfect?
- What would it look like to be fully myself, even if it is messy?
Therapy can be a powerful space to explore these questions. A culturally attuned therapist can help you separate anxiety from identity and understand how neurodivergent traits might be shaping your experience. Self awareness is not weakness. It is the foundation of freedom.
Final Thought
Black excellence is beautiful, but it should never come at the expense of your peace. If you have been navigating constant pressure, perfectionism, or anxiety that never seems to ease, it might be time to pause and listen to what your body and mind are trying to tell you. Healing does not mean giving up excellence. It means redefining it on your own terms.
At Introspective Counseling in Southfield, MI, our compassionate and knowledgeable therapists are here to help you untangle the layers of anxiety, perfectionism, and identity so you can find balance and relief. Contact us today to begin your journey toward rest, authenticity, and self acceptance.