by Jarrette Wright-Booker MA, LPC-S, CAADC
You ever open your phone and instantly feel your stomach drop because the group chat has 83 unread messages… again? You love your people—but lately, even replying with a heart emoji feels like too much. If this sounds familiar, you may be dealing with a form of social anxiety that’s not always easy to name: anxiety brought on by social burnout.
In an age where connection is constant—texts, DMs, Facetimes, and endless notifications—many of us are emotionally tapped out. And yet, ignoring messages can feel like you’re letting people down. So you keep pushing through the exhaustion, even when your anxiety is screaming for a break.
What Social Burnout Looks Like
Social burnout is the emotional exhaustion that happens when your relationships—especially the ones that require frequent interaction—start to feel like a job. It’s the feeling of loving your people but secretly dreading the next phone call or text. And for many high-achieving, people-pleasing Black women and men, the pressure to always show up, reply quickly, or offer advice adds fuel to the fire of chronic anxiety.
You may be experiencing social burnout if you:
- Feel irritated by messages, even from people you care about
- Put off replying for days (then feel guilty about it)
- Worry about how you’re being perceived in the group
- Feel obligated to participate in every outing, even when you’re drained
- Experience a spike in anxiety when your phone lights up
This isn’t about being antisocial—it’s about your nervous system waving the white flag. And while burnout isn’t a clinical diagnosis, anxiety certainly is. Left unchecked, social burnout can feed into a bigger cycle of anxiety that affects sleep, concentration, mood, and relationships.
The Hidden Layers of Anxiety in Community Spaces
For Black folks, community is everything. The group chat might be your cousins, your church fam, your college crew, or your co-workers. These spaces are meant to be supportive—but when you’re always the one giving advice, planning events, or sending the “y’all good?” text, you might be pouring from an empty cup.
And then there’s the anxiety of what it means to step back. If you don’t respond, will they think you’re mad? If you say no to brunch, will they stop inviting you altogether? These unspoken fears are real, especially when you’ve been socialized to prioritize others’ needs before your own.
This is where the line between anxiety and social obligation starts to blur. Are you really just being flaky—or are you protecting your mental health?
How to Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re doors with locks that you get to control. Managing anxiety tied to social burnout means practicing small but intentional boundary-setting techniques:
- Turn off notifications: Give yourself permission to check in on your time—not as soon as someone messages.
- Use “I” statements: Saying “I need some time to recharge” helps you honor your energy without placing blame.
- Choose one connection point: Instead of replying in three group chats, commit to one for the week.
- Schedule social time: Sounds counterintuitive, but having a designated time to connect means you can anticipate it—lessening anxiety over being constantly “on.”
And yes, it’s okay to leave some messages on “read.” Protecting your peace doesn’t make you a bad friend—it makes you a healthier one.
Therapy Can Help You Untangle the Guilt
If you’re reading this and nodding while your unread messages glare at you, it might be time to explore how anxiety is showing up in your daily life. At Introspective Counseling in Southfield, our grounded and compassionate therapists understand the nuances of being hyperconnected yet emotionally overwhelmed. We help clients—especially those navigating life in Detroit and surrounding areas—recognize how anxiety can wear different masks: guilt, irritability, overcommitment, and silence.
Through techniques like CBT, mindfulness, and culturally responsive therapy, we’ll help you learn how to reset your boundaries, manage your anxiety, and reconnect on your own terms.
Ready to stop ghosting your peace of mind? Let’s talk. At Introspective Counseling, our insightful and culturally aware therapists serve clients across Southfield, Detroit, Royal Oak, Farmington Hills, and more. Schedule your consultation today and start untangling your anxiety—one unread message at a time.