By Jarrette Wright-Booker MA, LPC-S, CAADC
Divorce is often a painful and complex journey, and for Black men and women, it can carry unique layers of shame, stress, and anger. The end of a marriage often feels like the unraveling of dreams, not just for the couple but for their families, friends, and communities. In a society that already places immense pressure on Black people to “keep it together” amidst systemic challenges, divorce can feel like a personal and public failure.
Shame: The Silent Burden
For many Black individuals, divorce is accompanied by an overwhelming sense of shame. Historically, our communities have been encouraged to hold onto family structures at all costs—rooted in the resilience passed down through generations of surviving hardships together. The idea of breaking that bond can feel like betraying your ancestors, community, or children.
There’s also the stigma. In predominantly Black spaces, divorce can sometimes carry a narrative of “not trying hard enough” or “giving up,” particularly for Black women, who are often expected to hold families together, even at their own expense. Black men, on the other hand, may face judgment as “irresponsible” or failing to lead. These narratives dismiss the reality that marriage is a partnership—and sometimes ending it is the healthiest option for everyone involved.
Stress: The Emotional and Financial Toll
Divorce is stressful for anyone, but the experience can be particularly overwhelming for Black people navigating systemic inequities. Financial stress is a major factor. Splitting assets or negotiating child support can become a significant burden, especially when economic disparities already limit resources. For single Black mothers or fathers, the stakes are even higher as they strive to provide stability for their children amidst societal expectations.
Emotional stress can also manifest in profound ways. Divorce often forces individuals to confront their own insecurities, traumas, and fears. For Black men and women who are accustomed to carrying the weight of the world, the vulnerability required during a divorce can feel foreign and deeply unsettling.
Anger: The Unspoken Grief
Anger often emerges as a protective shield, masking the pain of loss. For Black men, this anger can be misinterpreted as aggression, feeding into harmful stereotypes rather than being seen as an expression of grief and betrayal. For Black women, anger is sometimes dismissed or belittled, contributing to the “angry Black woman” trope.
The anger can also stem from unspoken truths—regret over ignoring red flags, frustration with societal pressures to stay in unhealthy relationships, or the realization that the marriage didn’t provide the support or partnership it promised. This anger, when unaddressed, can become a barrier to healing and moving forward.
Finding Healing: Reclaiming Your Peace
Healing from divorce requires acknowledging and addressing these complex emotions in ways that honor your unique experience as a Black individual. Therapy can provide a safe space to process feelings of shame, stress, and anger without judgment. Seeking culturally competent therapists who understand the intersections of race, identity, and systemic pressures can make all the difference.
Community is another powerful tool for healing. Surround yourself with people who affirm your worth, encourage your growth, and remind you that divorce does not define you. It is simply one chapter of your story.
A New Beginning
Divorce is not an ending; it’s a turning point. For Black men and women, it can be an opportunity to rediscover yourself, redefine your values, and build a future aligned with your peace and joy. Let go of the shame, navigate the stress, and channel the anger into building the life you deserve. Remember, you are not alone—and healing is within your reach. Introspective Counseling’s caring therapist are waiting to hear from you.
