by Jarrette Wright-Booker MA, LPC-S, CAADC
Are You the Go-To “Yes” Person?
If your phone rings and your first thought is “Who needs what now?”—congratulations, you might be a people-pleaser. If your inbox is filled with “Hey, can you do me a quick favor?” messages that are never quick, welcome to the club. And if the thought of disappointing someone makes you break out in stress hives? Yeah… we need to talk.
Being kind and helpful? That’s a beautiful thing. But when saying “yes” to everyone else starts feeling like saying “no” to yourself, it’s time to check in. Because stress, exhaustion, and resentment weren’t on your vision board, right?
Why People-Pleasing is Lowkey Running You Ragged
Let’s be real—people-pleasing is exhausting. It’s like running an emotional marathon you never signed up for, in shoes that don’t fit. Every “sure, I can do that” when you really wanted to say “I’m booked… with rest” adds to the pile of stress weighing you down.
Here’s why this habit keeps you in a chokehold:
- You’re emotionally drained. Being everybody’s support system leaves little energy for, well… you.
- Resentment sneaks in. Saying “yes” when you mean “absolutely not” builds up irritation—toward others and yourself.
- You’re on edge. The constant fear of letting people down keeps your stress levels on high alert.
- You lose yourself. When you shape-shift to fit everyone else’s needs, your own desires take a backseat.
Whew. It’s a lot. But don’t worry—we’re about to break this cycle today.
Signs You’re a Certified People-Pleaser
If you’re not sure whether this is you, let’s run a quick check:
✅ You apologize for things that aren’t your fault. (Why are you saying sorry to the waiter when they forgot your order?)
✅ You say “yes” before you even process what’s being asked.
✅ The thought of someone being upset with you? Immediate anxiety.
✅ You avoid conflict like it’s your ex’s new Instagram post.
✅ You put everyone else’s needs first, then wonder why you’re so tired.
Sound familiar? Okay, cool—now let’s fix it.
How to Stop People-Pleasing Without Feeling Like a Villain
The goal isn’t to turn into an unbothered savage overnight (unless that’s your thing, then do you). It’s about finding balance—showing up for others without sacrificing yourself in the process. Here’s how:
1. Get Comfortable With “No” (And Mean It)
Not “maybe.” Not “let me check.” Just a solid, guilt-free, full-stop “No.” If that feels too harsh, try:
- “I appreciate you thinking of me, but I can’t commit to that.”
- “I’d love to help, but I don’t have the capacity right now.”
- “Nah.” (Okay, maybe not this one… unless it fits.)
2. Set Boundaries Like Your Peace Depends on It (Because It Does)
Boundaries are not about being mean. They’re about protecting your time, energy, and sanity. Decide what you will and won’t accept, then stick to it.
Examples:
- “I don’t take work calls after 6 PM.”
- “I’m happy to support you, but I can’t do it last-minute.”
- “I can listen, but I can’t be your therapist.”
3. Pause Before Saying Yes
When someone asks you for something, don’t auto-commit. Instead, try:
- “Let me get back to you.”
- “I need to check my schedule first.”
- Literally just breathe and think before answering.
That space gives you time to assess: Do I actually want to do this? Or am I just trying to avoid guilt?
4. Stop Apologizing for Taking Up Space
Listen. You are not here to shrink yourself to make others comfortable. You are allowed to take up space. To rest. To have boundaries. To not be available 24/7.
Instead of “Sorry, I can’t,” try:
- “I won’t be able to make it, but I hope it goes well!”
- “I appreciate the invite, but I need some time to recharge.”
- “No, but thank you for thinking of me!”
5. Validate Yourself (Instead of Waiting for Others To Do It)
A lot of people-pleasing comes from needing external validation. The truth is, you don’t need approval to be worthy. Start celebrating yourself—your wins, your rest, your boundaries.
- Saying no? That’s growth.
- Choosing rest? That’s self-care.
- Prioritizing yourself? That’s healing.
Reclaim Your Peace, One Boundary at a Time
People-pleasing might have been your survival mode, but it doesn’t have to be your lifestyle. Stress doesn’t have to be part of your daily experience anymore. When you start protecting your time and energy, you’ll realize something powerful—you’re still loved, still respected, and still you… just a way less stressed-out version.
And trust me, that version of you? She’s about to thrive.
